Old, Strong and Alone if you don’t watch it.

Old and Strong!

Sometimes, my dear friend, Mookie Jones jokes around and gives me a pretty good saying…. One day he playfully uttered “You’re going to end up old, strong and alone if you don’t watch it”… This was probably in response to something I did that was out of the male/female gender role (like opening the door or paying for a bill or something, which totally annoys him). However, his sly utterance still sticks with me, and I sometimes ponder on it…

a) when I hear people lament about their single status or

b) when people (annoyingly) ask why I’m still single

I’m probably not going to be very popular with saying this thought, but you want to hear it? hear it goes:

“If you are single, that is because of the choices you have made, so stop the external blame game”….

Are you alone?

It is quite inadequate to blame the things outside of yourself for your internal problems..i.e. you may say to yourself: (there are not enough “good mates”, you haven’t felt that “connection” with anyone, you haven’t “met the person of your dreams”). All of that is bull crap, all of that is an excuse. I don’t think I can take any other person bemoan the fact that he/she (more she) is single. I have kept my silence long enough…lol My stance, is…you’re single because of the choices you have made, because of the barriers you have erected, because of the scars you won’t actively participate in healing, because of the standards you have set, because of the men you have chosen, and maybe because you haven’t been open to the possibilities of life and love….

2010 is knocking on our door…if you are single and upset about it, stop complaining and start changing. Stop blaming external forces, and start looking at yourself. Own your relationship mistakes and get over them….Perhaps it time to start actively participating in your love life…stop complaining and start changing your status…

What are you doing wrong? Are you open to a relationship? What type of energy are you putting out there (do you think you’re not worthy of a relationship)? Are you sitting at home every night thinking someone is going to magically appear at your door step? Do you need external validation for love so any old joe schmoe will do (even if he’s taken)? Do you keep choosing the same type of loser? Are you open to love? Or do you believe that you will be presented a perfectly made to order mate (without much effort on your part).  

Have you stopped participating in romance because you believe the world’s lie that there are “no men”–that’s fear mongering, and don’t believe the type. Finding, building, and sustaining a relationship requires active participation. Part of being an adult is taking ownership of your life, and living your life, not just existing and waiting for things to happen…

As a recovering serial dater/psuedo relationshiper, I can say my dear sisters and brothers…If you’re single (and unhappy about it)…start participating in your love life, and stop blaming others or you’re going to end up Old, Strong, and Alone. Become content with the space you’re in, learn yourself more, enjoy your friends, LAUGH, give thanks to God, take a trip by yourself…do the things that edify you and create a positive space that you are open.

And lastly, for all of us single folks, let’s make 2010 a year of active participation, rather than a year of actively complaining…

Smooches

Guest blogger Carmen Williams is a Digital Media and Journalism grad student at Columbia University. For more articles from Carmen you can follow her blog at http://spirituallyspeaking.wordpress.com/

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