Lil Webbie’s INDEPENDENT was the theme song for a lot of women in 2008.  Even women that did not have a job, their own cars or houses were singing it! They wanted all the men in the world to know that they could make it on their own and did not need men for anything.  Most of my friends want the “American” dream. They want the husband,  the house, the white picket fence, the 2 kids, and the dog. 

Do these women really strive for independence or are they protecting their emotions because the outlook of finding this dream has not come to reality?
 

I don’t see anything wrong with being independent. I definitely feel that women should establish themselves before getting into relationships or marriages.  However, I can’t come to terms with the idea of actually “wanting” to be single for the rest of my life. Does anyone really want to grow old by themselves?  I  reached out to a couple of single African American women over the age of 40 to hear their opinions on being single.  

One lady, who is now 38,stated:

she was too picky and stubborn, which is why she never married.  She had too many requirements and felt that she really didn’t NEED a man and made it known to those that she dated.  She said she let a lot of good men walk out of her life because they didn’t meet every single requirement on her list. In most cases, she chose not to continue a relationship either because the man did not have enough money or because he had children. 

I asked:

“Whether or not she was still interested in marriage  and what was she doing differently to find the right mate? “

Her response was:

 ”definitely yes” and that she is now more open minded and allowing herself to be more vulnerable in relationships.”

The other lady, which is 55, stated:

She was one of those women that said she never wanted to get married and believed it at the time.  She liked having her own belongings.  She liked not having to be responsible for another human being, so she never had interest in having children. She liked being able to travel whenever she wanted and she always had the means to do it.  She enjoyed her 20′s but she said once she got in her mid 30′s she felt as though she missed out.  All of her friends were married, going to dance recitals, celebrating anniversaries, etc.  All she had was herself.  She says most men her age were married so the dating pool was scarce. She began to think about growing old alone and about who was going to take care of her when she was too old to take care of herself.  She feels that her priorities were definitely in the wrong place but feels that things happen for a reason and has accepted the fact that she might be single for the rest of her life.
 

In essence, my question has been answered.  There are some women who do not aspire to have the “American” dream.  But I also learned that your wants, needs, and desires will change over time. It’s one thing to say at 21, “I’m single, having fun, enjoying life with no desire to settle down until I find someone to settle down with“. Its another to say at 29, “I’m kickin it” ,”I’m not ready to settle down”, “I like my freedom”  knowing deep down inside you want a man or woman but you haven’t found that person yet. That cover up is played! Stop lying to yourself and others. We don’t believe you!

It’s OK to want a companion.

It’s OK to want a relationship.

It’s OK to want to be married.

Likewise it’s OK to be  I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T.

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