Not Bitching While Black

I was reading a blog post over at a Belle in Brooklyn-  Not Bitching While Black by Coutura of The Glamazons. Coutura explains her tale of Not Bitching While Black. She self admits that in her demanding fashion career she doesn’t know how to be a bitch. Her dilemma begins while trying to fulfill a last minute request for an upcoming celebrity photo shoot. After following her bosses’ request to send a demanding email for the wardrobe, Coutura finds herself confused when industry vets chastise her for being too nice in her email. They explained that niceities are not the way to get ahead. Now she questions if women need to be bitches to be successful?

This past month I have been faced with so many work related issues that mirror her situation. The only difference is I DO know how to be a bitch but I’ve put that girl behind me. (My mom likes to call her Sybil- my evil Gemini twin) Just last week my Project Director told me as a Project Manager I am “too nice” and “soft spoken”, she worries that I give her boss (an Associate Director) the impression that I am somewhat of a “push over”. I was shocked but confidently told her thank you for bringing that to my attention, I will work on it. I did! A week goes by and after our weekly staff meeting she calls me over and says: ” the Associate Director was really impressed with your summary in today’s meeting.”  I smiled and said Thank You!

The next day I cc’ed her on an email to my client explaining unfortunately I couldn’t meet her impossible request for an out of town conference the next day. A minute after I sent the email, she’s running down the hall into my office. She says next time I need to be more diplomatic in my choice of words…she said my email was too blunt. Might I add, I closed the email by providing the client with alternatives AND I said “Please let me know if there is anything else I can do to assist you”

At this point I’m completely blown. Thinking I need a fresh pair of eyes, I ask my co-worker to read the email. She told me it wasn’t blunt but direct and that she didn’t see anything wrong with it. That made me feel better because I’m thinking- did I say no the wrong way?! Of course I went to my beau with the situation because I respect his business savvy. He told me as a female I have to be tougher than men sometimes and not to take it personal… “its just business”. Of course I listened but I still find myself on the fence of being too nice and coming off too strong. I don’t wanna be that bitch at work but I want people to respect me. In the blog post  Belle recommended a book:

Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers by Lois P. Frankel

About the author:

Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D., an internationally-recognized executive coach who has worked with Fortune 500 companies, reveals why some women roar ahead in their careers while others stagnate. She’s spotted a unique set of behaviors – 101 in all – that women learn in girlhood that sabotage them as adults. Now, in this groundbreaking guide, she helps you eliminate these unconscious mistakes that could be holding you back – and offers invaluable coaching tips you can easily incorporate into your social and business skills. If you recognize and change behaviors that say “girl,” not “woman,” the results will pay off in career opportunities you never thought possible – and in an image that identifies you as someone with the power and know-how to occupy the corner office!

View more books and DVDs  by Dr. Lois Frankel

Thanks Belle and Coutura for sharing your stories! I’m going to purchase this book ASAP!

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3. Black Girl with Long Hair