Love Lockdown: Should you marry outside your faith? 

I was reading an article over at Clutch Magazine One Love, Two Religions by Janelle Harris . The article is centered around single women dating and marrying men outside their faith. As an unmarried, Christian woman I was completely shocked by the horrible advice given. One of the questions posed was:

From the article:

Not at all, says Rev. Kellie V. Hayes, executive pastor and director of women’s ministries at Hunter Memorial AME Church in Suitland, Md.

According to her:

“You can miss out on a great relationship because somebody doesn’t believe like you do. There are other things that are important like do we both want to have children? Do we both believe in how we’re going to raise those children? Are we on the same page in terms of money? Do we want to be homeowners?” Mutual understanding, she adds, is essential to making the relationship successful. “The only way an interfaith couple would have more problems than a same-faith couple is if one is secretly hoping to change the other or if a religion or faith belief goes strictly against what the other person believes is right. You can’t marry a dude who believes in having more than one wife and you don’t.”

Relationship Expert and Washington, DC Radio Host Audrey Chapman said:

“Usually you have a problem with something because you don’t understand it, so the more you familiarize yourself with a religion, the more you can decide whether you want to have any kind of response to it or not. Most of the time,” she says, “people decide to support each other’s differences. That’s what relationships are all about.” Chapman stresses that couples should also develop good communication, listening and problem-solving skills if they want to overcome snafus that manifest in a two-faith household.

Hayes and Chapman agree that ” sisters might need to branch out a little to find a man who’s going to love and appreciate us like we deserve to be loved and appreciated. So whether he’s capped with a yarmulke, sporting a kufi or toting a Bible, like the old Atlantic Starr song says, when love calls, you better answer.”

I totally disagree with the seniments of both Hayes and Chapman.

This has to be the most ridiculous advice to come from a pastor! What bible is she reading because her comments are a COMPLETE contradiction to the word that says:

 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? {2 Corintians 6:14}

No woman should be so desperate for a man that she compromises! God’s will is not for you to compromise for the sake of a relationship by comitting to someone who believes differently than you do! Your belief system determines everything about your life. If you pray to God for a man trust that he will bring you a godly, Christian man that you connect with on a spiritual level. I can speak from experience that it may not happen when you want it but when you wait on God he will give you EXACTLY what you want in a mate. I tried dating a guy who wasn’t a Christian and let me tell you it is NOT worth it! And clearly that relationship did not last.  It is not in God’s will that Christians marry non believers because in his eyes he sees the couple as ONE. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”  {Ephesians 5:31} But like the word says:

For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables. {2 Timothy 4: 2-4}

I believe: One Lord, one faith, one baptism {Ephesians 4:5}

I also recommend these sermons by Isaac Pitre to anyone considering marriage and especially those who are single or in committed relationships.

8 Spirits to Avoid While Single

5 Developmental Stages of Singleness

Marriage Made in Heaven: Defining Marriage

Subscribe to his podcasts on iTunes

Related posts:

1. Love Lockdown: Marked Reserved!
2. Love Lockdown: Valentine’s Day!
3. Love Lockdown: Let Them Be!