In between Fashion & Food: Interview with Fashion Stylist Apuje Kalu

It is my goal that every reader of TotalLifeProsperityBlog.com experience wholeness in every area of life. Recently, I had a chance to interview rising fashion stylist Apuje Kalu, who was willing to share his story about his journey towards Total Life Prosperity. Without sounding cliche’, Apuje was extremely easy to talk to and down-to-earth. I’ve been following his work with photographer Elton Anderson for some time now and I know he’s going places. When we talked I joked that I was jumping on his bandwagon early before he blows up. I wish him nothing but continued success! *Special thanks to my dear friend Kelle who e-introduced us when I moved to the DC area.

About Apuje

Apuje (A-Pooh-Jay) is a freelance fashion stylist from Washington, DC. As a self proclaimed lover of PORK bacon and connoisseur of Red Velvet cake”, he took a giant step of faith leaving his IT Consulting job in corporate america to pursue his passion which is a career in Fashion.

sidebar: If you’re wondering why PORK bacon, read his Open Letter to Pork Bacon

So why did you leave corporate America?

After 6 years in corporate America I knew I was leaving due to lay offs. I had the option to stay with my IT  Consulting firm but I opted to accept the severance package.  In hopes of mixing my interest in fashion with my Engineering degree, I envisioned a career in luxury goods brand management or marketing. Instead of looking for a job I planned to attend graduate school and get my MBA. In the meantime I made myself available to work on photo shoots with Elton and other photographers. Grad school eventually got postponed and one day I mustered enough guts to say I’m going to really pursue freelance styling and I did it.

Who has been your biggest supporter since leaving corporate America?

My mother has been my supporter since day one. Besides her, making myself available to work with Elton has been rewarding. He has been extremely encouraging and supportive considering we share a similar background…both of us left well paying corporate jobs to pursue our passion. In addition to my mother and Elton, I know I couldn’t do it without the support of my fellow FAMU alums. FAMU has a strong supportive network of people who support the work on their own.

What advice would you give to someone who wanted to follow in your footsteps?

The hardest thing to do is to start.  If you have a dream start to visualize it and put forth a real effort to live your dream. Even with 40-50 shoots under my belt, it still wasn’t a reality until I start saying, “I am a stylist.” Once I visualized it and verbalized it I realized this is what I am. I am living out my dream of being a fashion stylist. I’d also tell people to have a skill set to fall back on. For me its my Engineering background.

What would be your “dream” job ?

Style correspondent on E! or Creative Director for a luxury fashion house like Chanel

What inspires you?

Everyday things and people. I am a people watcher…The airport and South Beach are great places to observe the style of everyday people.There are times I see a person and make up an entire story in my head about them based on how they look. For photo shoots I try to evoke emotion and tell a compelling story by using patterns, texture, and color. I follow a few Fashion blog sites and I pay attention to fashion spreads in GQ , Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and Seventeen magazines.

Any upcoming projects you’re looking forward to? 

Nothing in particular because projects come up all the time. I have a go-with-the flow kind of attitude so I keep my schedule open to fly to New York, Miami, or LA frequently… but I always have engagement shoots and test shoots with modeling agencies.

What does Total Life Prosperity mean to you?

 My definition of Total Life Prosperity is very similar to the vision of your blog. I attribute my prosperity this year to my faith in God. Instead of worrying and trying to force things, I’m allowing him to move. I have to be honest, some test shoots don’t pay alot of money and times have been hard but my relationship with God has kept me grounded.  when you have a relationship with him he provides totally and everything falls into place; like a domino effect.

Check out more of his work at apujekalu.com and follow his blog

Here are some past shoots that I absolutely LOVED! Whenever the beau decides to put a ring on it I’m hiring Elton & Apuje! iDig their work!

Photo credit: Elton Anderson

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1. She Does Makeup: Interview with Atlanta Makeup Artist Alexandra Butler
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The Art of Detaching from our Stuff

by Tisha Morris

In the documentary film, The Story of Stuff, Annie Leonard examines our national obsession with stuff and how it all began.  She attributes our consumption addiction to the post-World War III economic policies that propagandized the notion of buying stuff.  Our insatiable appetites haven’t been able to stop since.  That is, until now.

With the decline of the economy – whether directly affected or not – we have all started to take pause before making a purchase.  More importantly, we are beginning to take inventory of the stuff that we do have.  Even more so, we are beginning to feel taken over by all the stuff that we have accumulated over the decades, which is why so many of us are having the urge to purge or declutter our homes. But is it as easy as making some runs to Goodwill? Of course not.

Why?

We have become addicted, or emotionally attached, to our stuff. 

Buying and accumulating stuff is just another way to distract ourselves from our present lives.  Like cigarettes or alcohol, it is a quick fix to feeling good.  But when the high wears off, we are left with an icky feeling.  But we need the icky feeling so that we can punish ourselves and perpetuate our guilt.  And then we need the high again so that we don’t feel the pain, and the circle continues. 

Is this an overreaction to buying a new toaster?  Maybe.  But consumption can be an addiction (or at the least an emotional attachment) that, unlike cigarettes and alcohol, is hard to recognize because it is so affirmed by our friends, family, media, and government.  

So how do we detach from our stuff?

Knowledge is power.  Knowing what and why we are attached to our stuff or certain items will oftentimes break the emotional attachment with our stuff.  For some of us, having a lot of stuff is simply a distraction from our everyday life.  A cluttered space results in a cluttered mind, which is exactly what some of us want, at least subconsciously.  In the same way alcohol makes things fuzzy, having a lot of things in your space will do the same.  And on some level, that is the desired outcome.  If this resonates with you, then bring awareness to it.  (If you are highly resistant to this idea, then you might want to take a second look.) 

For many of us, it is certain items that are difficult to part with.  It may be books and magazines for some or old pictures, clothes, gifts, collections, etc. for others.  Either way, if you don’t love the item(s) or don’t use it, then it is time to part with it.  If you are still having resistance, then it’s time to acknowledge an emotional attachment to the item….

Start asking yourself questions.

What am I feeling right now?

What memories does this item bring up?

Who gave it to me?

Why did I originally buy it?

Who does it remind me of?

Do I feel guilty getting rid of this item?  If so, why? 

Why?

Why?

And Why?

Be your own detective… or therapist.  Get to the root of why you are hanging on to an item that you know would be in your best interest to get rid of.  You may be surprised.  What you thought was just an old hairbrush may actually be a reservoir of past emotions that you and your sister shared when she helped you get ready for prom.  Or maybe the green gingham shirt with the price tag on it conjures up guilt for buying things that are on sale and never wearing them.  Until acknowledged, the shirt will hang in your closet serving only to attract the pattern for more guilt.

Once you have awareness around an item, you will be amazed at how easy it will be to let go of it.  If you have the awareness but still don’t want to get rid of the item, then it may simply be too early.  See how you feel the next round of decluttering. 

To start the process of decluttering, I recommend working in baby steps with attainable goals as I set out in 5 Steps to Clearing Clutter.   You will build up the confidence that will keep you going through the long haul.  Once you realize that life will go on with fewer items, you will not only want to clear out more stuff, but will start to feel free. And when you feel this sense of freedom you know you have mastered the art of detaching from your stuff. 

About the Guest Blogger

Tisha Morris is a certified life coach, feng shui consultant, energy healer, and author of 27 Things to Feng Shui Your Home (Turner Publishing).   She practiced law for ten years and holds a Fine Arts degree in Interior Design.  Tisha’s transformational journey from attorney to healer has given her invaluable experience in which to help others make desired changes. Tisha’s passion is healing spaces by blending traditional feng shui techniques and interior design aesthetics with healing energy.  In doing so, not only does the space undergo a transformation, but all those who occupy and encounter the space as well.  

Tisha is based in Nashville, TN with most of her services available in-person or distance at www.tishamorris.com

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Interview with Atlanta Makeup Artist Alexandra Butler

It is my goal that every reader of TotalLifeProsperityBlog.com experience wholeness in every area of life. Recently, I had a chance to interview rising makeup artist Alexandra Butler, who was willing to share her story about her journey towards Total Life Prosperity.

About Alex

Alex was raised in St. Louis, MO and graduated with a degree in Industrial Engineering (totally off subject right?) According to Alex, she has always been very artistic with drawing and painting. She considers herself to be one of those people who use both sides of their brain equally. Originally, she thought her calling was for fashion design but her love for colors, combined with her love for painting and drawing, makeup became her number one choice. I asked her about her journey and this is what she said…

How did you get started?

I first developed my true love for makeup whenever I would go to the MAC counter in high school and I would let those ladies do my face. From seeing the transformation, I immediately grew attracted to that and began to do my own makeup. I got to be so good that others wanted me to do their makeup as well. From there it started to develop into something of a norm for me where I was expected to be “the makeup lady.” So when I was doing engineering in Indiana, I applied for a freelance position at MAC and was hired on the spot. I wanted to test it out to see if that was really what I wanted to do so I still managed to work full time at my main job. I worked at the counter a few times while in Indiana, but just that little bit satisfied an urge inside of me to pursue makeup more.

Why did you decide to move to ATL?

When I was in Indiana, I was extremely unhappy with my working conditions. I felt that my talents weren’t being utilized and I was making too many sacrifices for a career path that I wasn’t interested in pursuing anymore. So, I was let go from my job and I took that as a sign from God that he wanted me to do bigger and better things with the gifts he gave me. My husband and I then decided to pack up everything and move to Atlanta on Faith. We had no jobs, no permanent place to stay, no money, and no definite plan…but we had Faith and God’s Will. Luckily I have a very strong support system which helped in some of the decisions I made. I knew by moving to Atlanta I would be able to showcase my talents and get into an industry that is prominent and competitive here. When I moved here I found a job in a similar field that I was originally in while in Indiana, but again…that didn’t work out. So I applied for a position at MAC and got hired and have loved every day of it since the first day I started. So many people saw the drive in me and I owe it to them for helping me get my foot in the door.

What’s the biggest risk you’ve taken?

My biggest risk was moving to Atlanta. I didn’t know much about Atlanta or know many people, but I have always wanted to live here ever since high school. My uncle was kind enough to let my husband and I stay with him for a couple weeks and we lived off of my 401K and unemployment until that ran out. It was very risky because money was not flowing in like I wanted it to. Then I was offered a position in Manufacturing and that job allowed us to get an apartment and save up some money. When I was let go from that job (which thank God for severance pay), a MAC position at a nearby popular mall presented itself and I was able to just pick back up financially. But it was a huge risk getting into a field I knew nothing about and leaving the comfort of the Industrial field that kept me financially stable for all those years.

What would you say has been the biggest mistake or lesson you’ve learned pursuing your dream?

Not going with my gut feeling originally. I am not a quitter, so I was not going to quit any job, but I should’ve made some sort of arrangement so my level of unhappiness didn’t get to as low as it did. No person should ever be that miserable just for a paycheck, but in the end it helped me in deciding what I did NOT want to do in life and really made me appreciate what I have. It also helped me in not being complacent ever again.

So far who has been the most “famous” person you’ve worked with?

Well let’s see, since I am not the “Celebrity Makeup Artist” that I want to be right now, I haven’t came across well know folks. But I did do the fashion show for Lisa Wu Hartwell and it was featured on Bravo’s “Real Housewives of Atlanta.” I have also did makeup for Diamond of Crime Mobb rap group.

Who would you consider your ultimate  “dream” person to work with?

Not sure of anyone in particular. I do love Rihanna’s makeup style and I believe I can enhance it, the same with Chrisette Michelle. I also think it would be fun to work on Lady Gaga. It is a dream of mine to work with a big time designer for their fashion show, or maybe even NYC Fashion Week. I just want people to see my work and know that I can enhance anyone’s beauty, and have fun doing it.

What projects are you working on now? or what’s next for you?

As of now, I am joining forces with a team of people who are tackling some of Atlanta’s celebrities as well as nationwide celebrities. Working with artists such as Chilli from TLC, Nicki Minaj, as well as others. It is also wedding season, so I have been booked for a few weddings this summer and also into the fall. And then I have my faithful clientele who I service on the regular.

What advice would you give to someone who would like to follow in your footsteps?

Follow your dreams and what your heart is telling you. Initially you have to be grounded in God’s Word so that you can make sure you are on the correct path that he wants you on. Once you are, you have to trust God and understand that he is in control. Also, if you want to do something, you can’t just sit back and hope for the best. You have to work at it and put 100% effort and time into it because more than likely, it won’t come easy. Surround yourself with positive people who support you and who will encourage you, because times will get hard. You have to have a great support system and you have to remain focused at all times. Most importantly, stay humble because you got where you are because God allowed it to happen in your life. So be gracious and do not let pride destroy your talents and dreams.

Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?

I see myself as one of the top celebrity makeup artists out there. I will have been traveled the world for fashion shows and photo shoots. I will have worked on everything ranging from music videos, to movies, to plays (Broadway), to high fashion photo shoots. I want to be a household name and I want my story to be out there for everyone to be inspired by. I am living out my dreams by the age of 30 and there is no stopping me.

What does Total Life Prosperity mean to you?

To me, generally, Total Life Prosperity means to prosper in everything you do. Be successful, confident, gifted, humble, and make the best of every situation. To be prosperous is to be extremely happy and victorious and to be that in your every day lifestyle. Because you encourage those around you and they will feed off of you. Pay it forward.

If you want to learn more about Alex you can find her on the web:

Twitter: www.Twitter.com/themuaalex

Facebook: Alexandra Butler

Youtube: AlexandraBond

Fotki: FierceLadyButler

Email: bondalexandrae@gmail.com

Photography: Cristina Harris  www.cristinajanee.com

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Sweet Rags = Major Must Have!

My goal is that every reader of TotalLifeProsperityBlog.com experience wholeness in every area of life. In previous postings, I share fashion and style tips. I’m trying a new feature by highlighting women who are experiencing TOTAL LIFE PROSPERITY. My first interview was with LA based clothing company owner Spring of Sweet Rags Clothing . I chose her because her company offers cute and affordable clothing and accessories for women at various price points. As much as I wanted to keep ”Sweet Rags” as my little fashion a secret, I’ll let the cat out of the bag and share it with my readers.

Fashion Alias: Spring

Location: Los Angeles, California

Tell me more about Sweet Rags Clothing

Before starting Sweet Rags, I was working a crappy job at a refurbished cell phone place and I decided to spend my last paycheck to purchase clothing to sell and I haven’t looked back since. I wanted to offer great pieces at affordable pieces for all types of women not just one class. I order limited amounts in varying sizes and add new items to my website daily. I choose an online store vs. a physical location because I’m always on the go, I wanted to reach a broad customer base, and online retail business is the biggest thing in the fashion industry

Biggest lessons you learned by starting your own business?An accountant is a major must have to manage inventory and finances

Who/What has been your support system?

While my father didn’t help financially, he always allowed me the freedom to pursue my goal without being negative. I’d also like to give thanks to God, and all my loyal customers and supporters.

What advice would you give to someone who would like to follow in your footsteps?

I would tell anyone who aspires to start a clothing line that it can be challenging but just because one person doesn’t like it doesn’t mean the next person won’t. As a stylist its my responsibility show different styles and showcase versatility. I’ve dedicated alot of time and effort to the success of my online boutique. No matter what your goal is never give up! Any career path you choose, pick one that you love where you don’t mind making sacrifices. Always remember to be honest and respectful with clients and/or customers. Customer loyalty is key!

Who would be your dream person to style?

ooooh that’s a good one….It’s hard to pick someone who isn’t already fly. I admire Lady Gaga’s style but she’s already off the chain style wise but I also love Mary J. Blidge

Where do you see Sweet Rags Clothing in the next 5 years?

I would like for the online boutique to grow bigger and become better than Forever 21 and Kitson

What does total life prosperity mean to you?

Being happy in every area of life…successful business, healthy relationships, and NO stress! 

Check out Sweet Rags on my bloggy friend and celebrity stylist,Tanya from MajorMustHaves.com 

Peacock Leggings

one shoulder bandage dress

floral dress

multi print top

White top/denim leggings

Make sure you check out Sweet Rags Clothing online and Major Must Haves!

 

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Guest Blogger: making THE team

by Toni Childs

I was having a conversation the other day with a friend and in the midst of her boasting about her “team” and listening to me whine about my lack thereof…she objected and started listing those that are currently trying out but haven’t been given the uniform. I quickly had to explain to her why they weren’t on the team and why they were more “booster club” material. Then I started thinking about the players that every single (not in a committed relationship) girl needs on her team. So here are my picks:

1. Kobe/Lebron- The big show. The main attraction. This is the one you prefer to have in the game at all times. He rarely disappoints. It’s always a good time. Unfortunately, there are road games or escapes to get it in in Colorado from time to time, so he’s not always available. So there’s got to be more players on the team…

2. Shaq- 2nd best compared to the big show. He’s a big name but bigger in stature, which is useful. He can move things, threaten people. He’s like your manly man. Your protection. The one you call for oil changes, to lift heavy things, and still makes a great date. Laid back-cool personality. Yeah he might have a side chick (or two) but he’s just a part of the team so there’s no trippin. He comes through when necessary.

3. Dwight Howard- Body sculpted by God himself. You keep him around if for nothing more than to have something to look at. Sometimes you’d prefer it if he didn’t speak, just stand there. But he can be fun. He’s your showpiece. Men have arm candy, why shouldn’t we? Just try to keep the  poor decision of a baby mama other women in his life at bay. He’s hot and there might be a little drama that comes with him, so keep the playing time limited.

4. Dirk Nowitzski- Jeezy keeps him one and you should too. The key thing about this player is that he’s versatile. He can play many positions and can actually be flexible to adjust to various situations. Your surroundings or his, he’s comfortable. Plus he can introduce to you to some folks you might not encounter on the reg. His background is a little different so he can expose you and your country arse to a few different things.

5. Nate Robinson- He’s unsuspecting because of his looks or demeanor, but surprisingly, he comes through in big ways sometimes.He’s the sleeper. The one you didn’t even think you’d have any interest in but gave it a try anyway. He’s got personality- its just not readily  apparent. He’s sweet. He’s actually a contender for the number one spot in an ideal world….but then there’s like one thing that keeps him from that spot. Somewhere he’s underwhelming.

6. Shelden Williams- This guy is just happy to be on the team. Not that he’s not a good catch. There’s nothing overly exciting about him, but he comes through in the clutch. He can step in and make a play if necessary. He’s your bench guy. Call on him when you need him. He’s a hard worker, doesn’t complain about his PT. He’s your no expectations, no fuss guy and just great to have around.

Then there’s these guys…

Booster club members- these are guys that tried out for the team, but lacked the things needed to suit up. They are were enthusiastic about the prospect of getting on the team, but there’s just no room for them. They can’t dribble, shoot, none of that. They do better in the stands- as support, or selling candy to raise money for uniforms or something. You can hang out with them on a platonic level for some time, but watch out, they may keep trying to step their came up and make that roster.

I stopped at six,because let’s be real, anymore that that number you’re probably considered somebody’s garden tool #imjustsayin. We know there’s a double standard for men and women and it certainly extends to the number of players on the team. And for women, the team really needs to be about Quality…not Quantity.

Did I miss a key player for every team? 

Is this too many players?

Fellas, what are the components of your team- or is it just a rack of women (quantity > quality)?

Guest Blogger ”Toni Childs” is a blogger for The Gifted Life.

Check her out at www.thegiftedlife.com

Related posts:

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2. Guest Blogger: A MENstrosity? Who told you that…
3. Guest Blogger: Relax…your standards that is

Who told you that?

To give some context: This “Let’s Talk about Pep Show” is entertaining, but mildly disturbing. I admit I enjoy watching it, but it makes me kinda tired. I was tired before I started watching the show, but it breeds a whole ‘notha level of ‘let’s get it together ladies in me’.

I AM TIRED! Tired of hearing there are no good black men. Tired of women staying in unhappy, unhealthy, tiring relationships with their “piece” of a man. Tired of the media trying to tell ME that I won’t get married. I’m just tired.

A few years back, I decided to ignore the media, think counter culturally and decide that there were more men that I knew what to do with. What a great decision on my part ☺ I don’t remember what triggered it, but it was probably some “woe to the educated black women” article about not being able to find a man. At that moment I decided that I would stop believing the hype. I looked at “who” told me all of this negative crap and I decided to ignore it.  Thank God.

Black women, we must stop believing the statistics. They are just that—numbers. I love numbers, have loved them all of my life, but I don’t believe them. And here’s why.

The Numbers DO LIE!

Now, I refuse to believe some of the nasty, negative crap people say, or have said about me. THAT, makes some people mad. It makes them angry because it’s so much easier to tell someone who you think they are, but it’s much harder for them to find out who they are. It’s extremely liberating to declare to people, the world, and yourself, who you are. Again, most people don’t like this. But. I’ve found there is healing in truth. There’s pain there too…but the growth and the subsequent joy are well worth it.

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2. Guest Blogger: A Males’ Perspective on MARRIAGE
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Guest Blogger: Numerology

By: Anonymous blogger

This has to be one of the most random thoughts I’ve had lately. But it makes total sense (to me, lol). So, per facebook, I have been seeing SO many unattractive and/or unlikely couples. Which got me to thinking:

Am I the only one who’s still in it for looks? I mean damn people. Where are your standards?

Don’t get me wrong, I am far from conceited and even further from perfect. I am however, a realist. Which is how and why I am completely aware of the fact that I am somewhere between a 7 and a 8. All things considered. And as a direct result, I only date 8’s and up. Because, on their best day couples should come together and create a strong 15! So why then are people 5’s dating 4’s. That ish does not add up. People, we have future babies, photo opportunities and public outings to consider. I know there are situations where personality proceeds or outshines looks but damn…not that often. I have dated someone who was text book ugly but the way he moved totally took up for the physicalaties. However he was still hella ugly and I knew that. I wouldn’t dare be cheesing all on my profile pic with him. And I definitely would not have his babies.

WAIT…

I’m rethinking this as I write it. Perhaps, because I loved him so much, I would have made him my husband and my baby daddy. But, I would never deny his level of unattractiveness. And I feel like that’s what a lot of people do when they go public with their relationships. It’s like ”look what I got” while pointing to your chicken pox. I mean it’s tight that you get to miss school but I don’t want that crap for real. I’m not advocating shallowness, I am simply encouraging discretionary behaviors. Be picky. You’re worth it. And if your not, that’s even more reason to date attractive people. You don’t want your relationship to be a double negative. Now I realize my technique seems slightly confusing because what 10 wants to date a 5 right? Well that’s why we should all do our absolute best to be 6’s. That way you only have to shoot for 9’s. Which is totally possible. Keep in mind this person may not be a total 9. They may be a 7 or an 8 on their regular day, which totally increases the chance that they would date a 6. In the extreme case where you feel it is impossible for your rating to exceed a 4, you have a few options. The first is to be bisexual and date both a male and a female 4 and become a strong 16. Date another 4 (or less), and be so ugly together that no one will notice. Or if you luck up, date that 10 but just don’t take any profile pictures where you are that chicken pox scab.

*This featured Guest Blogger will remain anonymous.

disclaimer:

The views expressed in this Guest Blogger post are not those of www.TotalLifeProsperityBlog.com. The views expressed are the writers own. At the time of publishing the blogger wanted to remain anonymous. This post should NOT be taken seriously. It was posted for entertainment purposes only!  I had to get that out of the way before I get texts/emails/twitter DMs asking:  “Did you write that?”  The answer is NO but I thought it was hilarious!

Related posts:

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2. Guest Blogger: Relax…your standards that is
3. Guest Blogger: Fashion #FAILS

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3. Words of Wisdom

Mic check, 1, 2, 1, 2….is this thing on? I need more treble in my headphones… 

Okay, now that we’ve taken care of the technical aspects of a proper stage introduction, let’s jump into why we’re both here…

A Male’s perspective on MARRIAGE

First things first, men… “Man handle” your marriage, your wife and your life. I mean it, “man handle” them…but hold on, to “man handle” these things means to handle them in a manner that a real man would, with compassion, honesty, power, integrity and love. Your grind should be to ensure they don’t “have” to. Assure that before they feel one ounce of pain, you’ve already reached your limit.

More “Man handling” in 2010…who’s coming with? 

Now, as difficult as it may seem to some women to grasp, men really do have their own definition, perception and interpretation of that a marriage should or shouldn’t be. Most of who we are and what we want for ourselves derives from what we’ve seen, both the things that work and those that were well, #epicfail (Twitter junkie). So while I’ll make no attempt to speak for ALL men, I’ll simply offer the stance as I’ve lived it and offer feedback from the men I’ve been around.

Ladies, remember when you were a little girl and you sat and daydreamed about how beautiful, majestic and glorious your wedding would be? Can’t you recall saying you were going to be a princess on that day and it was just your day? From the colors, flowers and your dress, that image wasn’t a fantasy; it was an inevitable reality that was soon to come right?

Well guys never had that image… nothing close! I’ve yet to meet any man who has imagined otherwise. I say that to bring up the point that from our base, the simplest aspect of what we envision about starting a new life with someone has its parallels between a man and a woman. Most of the time we all want the same result, it’s just understanding of how a mans’ road to get there differs from a womans’.

A few points: 

1. Marriage is a muscle. It must be stretched, used, and strengthened or it will become weak. The fairy tale is over Love, work now begins. There will be plenty of situations and conversations during the marriage where YOU must decide what YOU will contribute to the muscle that is your marriage.

2. Marriage is a FULL TIME job and unless you’re willing to accept that, you may want to consider holding off on signing that conditional offer of employment, because there are conditions. Just as your job can frustrate you at times but you know it’s best for you, and you need to be there…such is also true for a marriage.

3. A marriage doesn’t end because of the actions of one person or the other. In my opinion a marriage ends when one, or both persons have decided that repair is no longer applicable. Any marriage can withstand ANY problem, assuming both parties decide that repair, restoration, and reconciliation are possible in spite of what happened.

4. Men hate to hear it but communication is indeed key. This oh so important aspect gets tossed unfairly at times though. Men are told from birth. “Know your woman, respect her, think like her, be one with her” and while that’s cool…when are those same points being conveyed to women? It is just as important for a woman to do those things with her husband as it is for a man. This is marriage and it’s supposed to be 50-50 right??? Well both sides have to ensure that an effort is made to listen and understand both. All too often women are granted the exception to saying “he doesn’t understand me, he never listens to me etc…” but Love I challenge you to take a look at your understanding of him. We as men won’t openly admit things like that and for that we’re partially to blame but trust me ladies, our issues are as real as yours are.

5. Men express love and affirmation in different ways than women. We honestly do. The key here is to make sure that we don’t miss those sometimes subtle signs and expressions. Sure the most conventional way is to utter “honey, I love you” but that isn’t the ONLY way. I grew up with a father who I know loves me dearly but until my college years when my older brother and I started making it a point to say it to one another, it wasn’t used all too often. I later found out that my grandfather very rarely used that with my dad. So even as my father was a grandfather, he was taught by his sons to say “I love you” and now it’s the norm, no longer something that was “implied”. Just as a woman should listen to the unspoken, a man has to understand that his wife needs those words.

 
I’ve found Marriage to best be summed up as such:

“A perfect promise, before a perfect God between two imperfect people”.

I was once given a book by my older brother and his wife entitled “The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman, I strongly encourage all to check it out. You can even take the 30 sec assessment via the website…most men won’t read the entire book but can benefit from the test. It’s your marriage; challenge it, stretch it, own it and most importantly lend an ear to it…trust me it’s saying something worth listening to. 

God Bless!

Guest Blogger “Christian 2.0®”  has been married for 5 years and is a father of 2.

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